I’m really not sure what people think when they discover that I’m a sexologist but I sure get some interesting questions including ones about my sex life. Some people seem to assume that a sexologist lives a blessed life without sexual concerns. Or that we are exaggeratedly horny having sex all the time. Wrong! I can’t speak to the sex lives of my fellow sexologists but I can with all certainty tell you one thing: We’re all human beings.
Sometimes the questions I get asked are rude. I mean really, would you ask anyone else that same thing? But often times it’s nothing more than bewildered curiosity. In fact one of the questions my husband gets asked a lot is “Don’t you find that intimidating?” His answer is always a simple “No”.
But there is a question that comes up with a fair amount of frequency. “Can you really relate to the people you help?” And my answer is always a simple “Yes”.
Yes I can relate. My sex life is no different being a sexologist than it would be otherwise. Except of course, that I have a much broader perspective than I did before I began my studies. Sexuality is a combination of your body, mind, heart and spirit.
Body: I’ve experienced sexual pain. I’ve had the boundaries of my body broken. I’ve experienced no physical pleasure at all because I was numb and my sex life almost non-existent. There are times my body has seemed to betray me and I haven’t reached orgasm. And – I’ve experienced a great sex life with tremendous sexual pleasures when I listen to my body and what it’s telling me.
Mind: I’ve let myself be held back by misguided and limiting beliefs. I’ve had judgments that got in the way of pleasure. I’ve had my boundaries broken by being shamed and told what I should or shouldn’t be thinking when it comes to sex. I’ve initiated sex, been refused and sunk into thinking that I somehow wasn’t good enough. And – I know the freedom of erotic fulfillment having worked through and let go of thoughts that don’t serve me.
Heart: I’ve known sexual shame. I’ve known sexual guilt. I’ve experienced emotional heartbreak when it comes to sex. I’ve had my emotional boundaries around sex broken. I’ve been cheated on and my emotional and sex life suffered greatly. And – I’ve also experienced a heart-centered sex life with deep intimacy that borders on the transcendent.
Spirit: I’ve squashed my sexual spirit down in an attempt to fit in. I’ve had my sexual spirit squashed by others and their judgments. I’ve had times where I neglected my energetic boundaries and had sex while enduring my partner’s negative energy and felt horrible afterward. And – I’ve let my sexual spirit express itself authentically and in this I’ve experienced uninhibited sexual freedom.